Erectile dysfunction after a breakup

Erectile dysfunction (ED) after a breakup is common, and it is often caused by stress, grief or anxiety about sex with a new partner. These can block erections even when your body is healthy, but see a doctor if it lasts more than a few months or happens with every partner.

In a review of research on young men, up to 30% of men under 40 had experienced erection difficulties (Nguyen et al., 2017). In one clinic study of 948 men with ED in Turkey, 83% of those under 40 had mainly psychological ED, though the authors say local culture may shape this figure (Caskurlu et al., 2004). For more on causes and treatment, read the full guide to erectile dysfunction.

Can a breakup cause erectile dysfunction?

Yes. Breakup stress switches on your body's fight-or-flight response, and that response can inhibit arousal and erectile function (Uckert et al., 2003). Your nervous system is reacting to a real, stressful event, and the rest of your body is working as it should.

A breakup brings emotional stress and practical stress. You lose someone, and you may also face new living arrangements, a changed routine, or shared finances to untangle. Your body registers all of it as threat, and threat can shut arousal down.

Grief plays a part too. Long stretches of stress and grief without support can build into low mood or depression, and depression is linked to a higher risk of ED (Araujo et al., 1998). Read more on the link between depression and ED.

Members of Mojo's community talk about this too, in a post about ED issues after a breakup.

Sexual performance anxiety with a new partner

Sexual performance anxiety with a new partner is often the main driver of ED after a breakup. Worrying about how you'll perform, or comparing sex with a new partner to sex with your ex, makes it hard to stay present during sex (McCabe, 2005). Staying present is exactly what your body needs to get and keep an erection.

This anxiety has a name: psychological erectile dysfunction. It comes from your brain being too busy monitoring the moment to actually settle into it.

New sex after a breakup adds its own pressure. A new body, new sensations, and a new person to read can be a lot to take in at once, on top of everything else you're already processing. Dating again after a breakup can create the same anxiety before you even get to the bedroom.

What happens in the brain after a breakup?

In one small study, brain areas linked to reward and craving became active when recently rejected people looked at a photo of their ex (Fisher et al., 2010). The study had 15 participants, and the researchers compared the pattern to the pull of an addiction.

What your pattern of ED probably means

Some patterns point to something situational, and a few call for a doctor visit. Use the table below to place your own pattern.

If your pattern falls into that last row, don't just wait it out. Some men in Mojo's community have discussed trying medication like Cialis or Viagra for performance anxiety alongside working on the psychological side. A doctor can help you figure out what's actually going on before you try anything, and rule out any physical cause first.

Is erectile dysfunction after a breakup permanent?

Usually not. ED after a breakup is often temporary, but the research behind this article does not say how long it lasts.

What actually helps

Talk to your partner, don't rush into rebound sex, check your porn and masturbation habits, and give yourself time. None of these fix things overnight, but together they can take pressure off.

Start with a conversation with your partner. Amanda Barge, a psychosexual and relationship therapist accredited by BACP and COSRT with 18+ years of clinical experience, says: "If you find it difficult opening up to your partner, it can be really helpful to say, before you get into bed, 'Can I share something with you? I sometimes find it difficult to get hard in new situations. Can we take things slowly?'"

Rebound sex is one of the biggest traps. "Rebound sex can lead to ED," says Barge. "Men don't realize that when getting into bed with a new partner, their penis may have other ideas. It can be quite overwhelming and distracting having sex with a new partner. Your brain has to tackle a new body, new sensations, and perhaps some unhelpful thoughts from the past." Rushing into sex with someone new adds pressure at exactly the wrong time.

Check your porn and masturbation habits too. "If you are single after a breakup, it can be easy to slip into habits that might not be helpful," says Barge. "If you notice you are watching more porn than you want to, perhaps find distractions. Try to masturbate without porn regularly, so you can become aroused without visual aids and practice being in your body rather than your head. This will help you feel confident for future encounters." For more general background, read erectile dysfunction basics.

Give yourself time too, and wait until you feel ready for sex with someone new.

Mojo’s The Erection Reset program, led by Dr. Chavez, was built for exactly this situation: erection issues with no medical cause, driven by stress, pressure, or a pattern your body picked up along the way. It's an evidence-based, expert-led program that walks you through regulating your nervous system, rebuilding confidence, and getting back to sex that feels good instead of stressful.

Mojo aims to provide useful wellbeing resources to its users; however, you should not solely rely on opinions or advice available on the website or given by the community. Always seek advice from a qualified medical doctor or other healthcare professional before acting.